A year ago today I found out my ex boyfriend was cheating on me. He had unfriended me on facebook and gave me some lame excuse about why when I asked him. Then when I saw the background photo of him and some other girl, I questioned it (and then I snoped on instagram and he clearly wasn't hiding it there) and my entire world fell apart. It's still hard to look back and see how dumb I was to not see it, but I didn't. (My dad and brothers had doubts, but they hoped their feelings were wrong because they love me, wanted me to be happy and knew that this was THE guy I wanted....THE guy I had waited 10 years for....THE one for me.) But it turned out that THE guy was just a stinky old toad dressed up as a prince. Everyone always shows their true colors eventually.....
The past year has been full of all kinds of drama (the stupid gf threatened me, the stupid ex threatened me, etc....silly rabbit....I have friends in LOW places that....well just know that) All the while, I took it, trying to be the better person.....which is SO hard to do when you are destroyed. The only "revengey" thing I did was write 2 'Roses are Red' poems (I blogged one, both are on my insta page) Well that and I gave away some of his clothes and shoes but it just wasn't worth it to stoop to their level and be devious. (Oh trust me, I have some of the best friends who wanted to do the BEST stuff, but I turned the other cheek.) I don't look at it as a weakness, but as a sign of strength. (Or maybe I'm getting soft in my old age......in college oh the stories I can tell you....but that was another life a million years ago when I was a LOT meaner)
So here we are today, a year later. A lot has changed. I've changed. I'm over the heartbreak, but I'm still mad. Mad that he owes me like roughly $5,000 I'll never get. Mad that I'm back in debt. Mad about the huge dent in Justin Jetta. Mad that he lied for so long. Mad that he used me. Mad that I was so depressed and upset that it cost me a job. Mad that I've been under so much stress the past year. Mad that I loved someone who didn't love me back. Mad that it was real to me....but not to him.
Being mad doesn't mean I'm not over it. Because I am. 100% over it. And I know you are probably thinking "well you aren't over it if you are still mad". You can be over it and still mad at someone. Don't text me, message or call me telling me what you think because I frankly don't care. I'm a grown up and if I want to be mad forever then so be it. Being this mad will prevent me from making the same mistake twice, or ever taking him back (hell would have to freeze over TWICE before that will ever happen)
I never thought I would be 39 and single, but I am. And its fine. I'm an Aunt to 2 fantastic girls with a nephew on the way. I have tons of "adopted" nieces and nephews that I love and adore. I'm blessed with the best friends ever. I know I say that all the time, but its true. Friends I've known forever, friends I've known a few months. Friends that support me, let me scream and cry, that love me unconditionally. I'm just a nerd who, for some reason, God saw it fit to bless me with all of you. I'm forever grateful!! I only hope I can be half the friend ya'll are to me. Thank you all for encouraging me and loving me. Seriously BLESSED! <3
Monday I start a new chapter. I'm starting a new job! (I'll still be doing part time recruiting on the side.) It's a huge pay cut and I'll be even more broke than I am now but the growth potential is amazing and I'm excited!!! It's a fresh start and I'm looking forward to it.
So overall the past year has been full of growth for me. I've made mistakes I wish I could take back. I've not given it my all. I've fallen way short in a lot of things, but I survived. I made it. I lived through it. (Just gotta get through the 12th annual Christi day now...I'll blog about that later.)
They say you never know what life will throw your way. But I'm content now and still kissing frogs.....
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